飘

could　marshal　no　words　because　she　was　trying　to　find　in　his　face　some　answering　emotions；　some　leaping　light　of　hope；　of　joy。　Surely　he　must　know；　now！　But　the　smooth　dark　blankness　which　had　baffled　her　so　often　was　all　that　her　frantic；　searching　eyes　could　find。　He　dropped　her　chin　and；　turning；　walked　back　to　his　chair　and　sprawled　tiredly　again；　his　chin　on　his　breast；　his　eyes　looking　up　at　her　from　under　black　brows　in　an　impersonal　speculative　way。
　She　followed　him　back　to　his　chair；　her　hands　twisting；　and　stood　before　him。
　“You　are　wrong；”　she　began　again；　finding　words。　“Rhett　tonight；　when　I　knew；　I　ran　every　step　of　the　way　home　to　tell　you。　Oh；　darling；　I—”
　“You　are　tired；”　he　said；　still　watching　her。　“You’d　better　go　to　bed。”
　“But　I　must　tell　you！”
　“Scarlett；”　he　said　heavily；　“I　don’t　want　to　hear—anything。”
　“But　you　don’t　know　what　I’m　going　to　say！”
　“My　pet；　it’s　written　plainly　on　your　face。　Something；　someone　has　made　you　realize　that　the　unfortunate　Mr。　Wilkes　is　too　large　a　mouthful　of　Dead　Sea　fruit　for　even　you　to　chew。　And　that　same　something　has　suddenly　set　my　charms　before　you　in　a　new　and　attractive　light；”　he　sighed　slightly。　“And　it’s　no　use　to　talk　about　it。”
　She　drew　a　sharp　surprised　breath。　Of　course；　he　had　always　read　her　easily。　Heretofore　she　had　resented　it　but　now；　after　the　first　shock　at　her　own　transparency；　her　heart　rose　with　gladness　and　relief。　He　knew；　he　understood　and　her　task　was　miraculously　made　easy。　No　use　to　talk　about　it！　Of　course　he　was　bitter　at　her　long　neglect；　of　course　he　was　mistrustful　of　her　sudden　turnabout。　She　would　have　to　woo　him　with　kindness；　convince　him　with　a　rich　outpouring　of　love；　and　what　a　pleasure　it　would　be　to　do　it！
　“Darling；　I’m　going　to　tell　you　everything；”　she　said；　putting　her　hands　on　the　arm　of　his　chair　and　leaning　down　to　him。　“I’ve　been　so　wrong；　such　a　stupid　fool—”
　“Scarlett；　don’t　go　on　with　this。　Don’t　be　humble　before　me。　I　can’t　bear　it。　Leave　us　some　dignity；　some　reticence　to　remember　out　of　our　marriage。　Spare　us　this　last。”
　She　straightened　up　abruptly。　Spare　us　this　last？　What　did　he　mean　by　“this　last”？　Last？　This　was　their　first；　their　beginning。
　“But　I　will　tell　you；”　she　began　rapidly；　as　if　fearing　his　hand　upon　her　mouth；　silencing　her。　“Oh；　Rhett；　I　love　you　so；　darling！　I　must　have　loved　you　for　years　and　I　was　such　a　fool　I　didn’t　know　it。　Rhett；　you　must　believe　me！”
　He　looked　at　her；　standing　before　him；　for　a　moment；　a　long　look　that　went　to　the　back　of　her　mind。　She　saw　there　was　belief　in　his　eyes　but　little　interest。　Oh；　was　he　going　to　be　mean；　at　this　of　all　times？　To　torment　her；　pay　her　back　in　her　own　coin？
　“Oh；　I　believe　you；”　he　said　at　last　“But　what　of　Ashley　Wilkes？”
　“Ashley！”　she　said；　and　made　an　impatient　gesture。　“I—I　don’t　believe　I’ve　cared　anything　about　him　for　ages。　It　was—wen；　a　sort　of　habit　I　hung　onto　from　when　I　was　a　little　girl。　Rhett；　I’d　never　even　thought　I　cared　about　him　if　I’d　ever　known　what　he　was　really　like。　He’s　such　a　helpless；　poor…spirited　creature；　for　all　his　prattle　about　truth　and　honor　and—”
　“No；”　said　Rhett。　“If　you　must　see　him　as　he　really　is；　see　him　straight。　He’s　only　a　gentleman　caught　in　a　world　he　doesn’t　belong　in；　trying　to　make　a　poor　best　of　it　by　the　rules　of　the　world　that’s　gone。”
　“Oh；　Rhett；　don’t　let’s　talk　of　him！　What　does　he　matter　now？　Aren’t　you　glad　to　know—　I　mean；　now　that　I—”
　As　his　tired　eyes　met　hers；　she　broke　off　in　embarrassment；　shy　as　a　girl　with　her　first　beau。　If　he’d　only　make　it　easier　for　her！　If　only　he　would　hold　out　his　arms；　so　she　could　crawl　thankfully　into　his　lap　and　lay　her　head　on　his　chest。　Her　lips　on　his　could　tell　him　better　than　all　her　stumbling　words。　But　as　she　looked　at　him；　she　realized　that　he　was　not　holding　her　off　just　to　be　mean。　He　looked　drained　and　as　though　nothing　she　had　said　was　of　any　moment。
　“Glad？”　he　said。　“Once　I　would　have　thanked　God；　fasting；　to　hear　you　say　all　this。　But；　now；　it　doesn’t　matter。”
　“Doesn’t　matter？　What　are　you　talking　about？　Of　course；　it　matters！　Rhett；　you　do　care；　don’t　you？　You　must　care。　Melly　said　you　did。”
　“Well；　she　was　right；　as　far　as　she　knew。　But；　Scarlett；　did　it　ever　occur　to　you　that　even　the　most　deathless　love　could　wear　out？”
　She　looked　at　him　speechless；　her　mouth　a　round　O。
　“Mine　wore　out；”　he　went　on；　“against　Ashley　Wilkes　and　your　insane　obstinacy　that　makes　you　hold　on　like　a　bulldog　to　anything　you　think　you　want　。。。　Mine　wore　out。”
　“But　love　can’t　wear　out！”
　“Yours　for　Ashley　did。”
　“But　I　never　really　loved　Ashley！”
　“Then；　you　certainly　gave　a　good　imitation　of　it—up　till　tonight。　Scarlett；　I’m　not　upbraiding　you；　accusing　you；　reproaching　you。　That　time　has　passed。　So　spare　me　your　defenses　and　your　explanations。　If　you　can　manage　to　listen　to　me　for　a　few　minutes　without　interrupting；　I　can　explain　what　I　mean。　Though　God　knows；　I　see　no　need　for　explanations。　The　truth’s　so　plain。”
　She　sat　down；　the　harsh　gas　light　falling　on　her　white　bewildered　face。　She　looked　into　the　eyes　she　knew　so　well—and　knew　so　little—listened　to　his　quiet　voice　saying　words　which　at　first　meant　nothing。　This　was　the　first　time　he　had　ever　talked　to　her　in　this　manner；　as　one　human　being　to　another；　talked　as　other　people　talked；　without　flippancy；　mockery　or　riddles。
　“Did　it　ever　occur　to　you　that　I　loved　you　as　much　as　a　man　can　love　a　woman？　Loved　you　for　years　before　I　finally　got　you？　During　the　war　I’d　go　away　and　try　to　forget　you；　but　I　couldn’t　and　I　always　had　to　come　back。　After　the　war　I　risked　arrest；　just　to　come　back　and　find　you。　I　cared　so　much　I　believe　I　would　have　killed　Frank　Kennedy　if　he　hadn’t　died　when　he　did。　I　loved　you　but　I　couldn’t　let　you　know　it。　You’re　so　brutal　to　those　who　love　you；　Scarlett。　You　take　their　love　and　hold　it　over　their　heads　like　a　whip。”
　Out　of　it　all　only　the　fact　that　he　loved　her　meant　anything。　At　the　faint　echo　of　passion　in　his　voice；　pleasure　and　excitement　crept　back　into　her。　She　sat；　hardly　breathing；　listening；　waiting。
　“I　knew　you　didn’t　love　me　when　I　married　you。　I　knew　about　Ashley；　you　see。　But；　fool　that　I　was；　I　thought　I　could　make　you　care。　Laugh；　if　you　like；　but　I　wanted　to　take　care　of　you；　to　pet　you；　to　give　you　everything　you　wanted。　I　wanted　to　marry　you　and　protect　you　and　give　you　a　free　rein　in　anything　that　would　make　you　happy—just　as　I　did　Bonnie。　You’d　had　such　a　struggle；　Scarlett　No　one　knew　better　than　I　what　you’d　gone　through　and　I　wanted　you　to　stop　fighting　and　let　me　fight　for　you。　I　wanted　you　to　play；　like　a　child—for　you　were　a　child；　a　brave；　frightened；　bullheaded　child。　I　think　you　are　still　a　child。　No　one　but　a　child　could　be　so　headstrong　and　so　insensitive。”
　His　voice　was　calm　and　tired　but　there　was　something　in　the　quality　of　it　that　raised　a　ghost　of　memory　in　Scarlett。　She　had　heard　a　voice　like　this　once　before　and　at　some　other　crisis　of　her　life。　Where　had　it　been？　The　voice　of　a　man　facing　himself　and　his　world　without　feeling；　without　flinching；　without　hope。
　Why—why—it　had　been　Ashley　in　the　wintry；　windswept　orchard　at　Tara；　talking　of　life　and　shadow　shows　with　a　tired　calmness　that　had　more　finality　in　its　timbre　than　any　desperate　bitterness　could　have　revealed。　Even　as　Ashley’s　voice　then　had　turned　her　cold　with　dread　of　things　she　could　not　understand；　so　now　Rhett’s　voice　made　her　heart　sink。　His　voice；　his　manner；　more　than　the　content　of　his　words；　disturbed　her；　made　her　realize　that　her　pleasurable　excitement　of　a　few　moments　ago　had　been　untimely。　Something　was　wrong；　badly　wrong。　What　it　was　she　did　not　know　but　she　listened　desperately；　her　eyes　on　his　brown　face；　hoping　to　hear　words　that　would　dissipate　her　fears。
　“It　was　so　obvious　that　we　were　meant　for　each　other。　So　obvious　that　I　was　the　only　man　of　your　acquaintance　who　could　love　you　after　knowing　you　as　you　really　are—hard　and　greedy　and　unscrupulous；　like　me。　I　loved　you　and　I　took　the　chance。　I　thought　Ashley　would　fade　out　of　your　mind。　But；”　he　shrugged；　“I　tried　everything　I　knew　and　nothing　worked。　And　I　loved　you　so；　Scarlett。　If　you　had　only　let　me；　I　could　have　loved　you　as　gently　and　as　tenderly　as　ever　a　man　loved　a　woman。　But　I　couldn’t　let　you　know；　for　I　knew　you’d　think　me　weak　and　try　to　use　my　love　against　me。　And　always—always　there　was　Ashley。　It　drove　me　crazy。　I　couldn’t　sit　across　the　table　from　you　every　night；　knowing　you　wished　Ashley　was　sitting　there　in　my　place。　And　I　couldn’t　hold　you　in　my　arms　at　night　and　know　that—well；　it　doesn’t　matter　now。　I　wonder；　now；　why　it　hurt。　That’s　what　drove　me　to　Belle。　There　is　a　certain　swinish　comfort　in　being　with　a　woman　who　loves　you　utterly　and　respects　you　for　being　a　fine　gentleman—even　if　she　is　an　illiterate　whore。　It　soothed　my　vanity。　You’ve　never　been　very　soothing；　my　dear。”
　“Oh；　Rhett　。。。”　she　began；　miserable　at　the　very　mention　of　Belle’s　name；　but　he　waved　her　to　silence　and　went　on。
　“And　then；　that　night　when　I　carried　you　upstairs—I　thought—I　hoped—I　h